Thursday, May 8, 2008

Sorta first class, not really

Delta Airlines Cozy Suite
Flying almost any US-based airline is border-line unbearable. Flying coach on a US-based airline is just sadistic. It's amazing how these ass-monkeys can't figure out how to run a profitable airline. As a frequent flier for both business and pleasure, I would be more than happy to pay a third higher ticket price for a marginally better experience. Im sure most of my fellow travelers would also agree. Now I'm not talking about your bargain basement, stand-by mooching travelers. Those people should just take the bus.

Is it really that hard to NOT hire bitchy, fat, rude stewardesses? Honestly, you're in the flipping customer service industry. Smile. If I have the courtesy to thank-you for your crappy service, have the decency to say "your welcome". Instead of hiring a bunch of grumpy whores, why not hire some actual whores? Hear me out: I have no idea how much a stewardess makes but lets say its $75K per year. That's about $40 per hour. Add on benefits, etc., you're up to $60 per hour. Your average stripper makes $150 per hour (more in Vegas, less in smaller cities). Why not hire a Cheetah's girl to work the first and business class cabins and simply pass on the additional costs to the passengers. Trust me, we will be more than happy to pay the difference, especially if lap dances are available for an extra tip. United. American. Delta. Take my advice. If you do, I guarantee that you won't be flirting with Chapter 11 every few years.

But I digress. The real reason for this post is to show you the Cozy Suite designed by Thompson Solutions, which Delta is planning on incorporating in its 777 and 767 economy classes by 2010. The staggered seat layout will give passengers an additional 2 inches of legroom, a little more privacy, a side headrest, and the ability for the window seat passenger to go pee without having the whole aisle get up. Go to to read more.

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