Here is a real email I had to send to a (still employed) Wall Street friend of ours who despite making half-a-mil a year, wouldn’t pull the trigger on a $200 Xbox 360 purchase because of the cost. Instead, we had to ask a bunch of middle-class working stiffs who make a whole lot less than $500K to pitch in a couple of bucks so that we can buy this Rockefeller his own Xbox. And you wonder why we’re in a mother-f’ing recession.
Dear Sunny,
We know in these tough economic times, life is hard for a young Wall Street wheeler and dealer like yourself. Bonuses are probably only 1-2x salary. Rolexes might have to be downgraded to Omegas. Instead of buying those Zegna suits at Sak’s, a decent Brooks Brothers two-button might have to do. The horror…
Your friends at [XXXX] understand. That is why we have all pitched in to buy you that Xbox 360 that you’ve always wanted. We know that the $217 price tag of the Xbox (including tax) would have put a significant dent into your steakhouse budget. And while all of us at [XXXX] make a fraction of what you make, we all live like paupers so we can afford such charitable activities.
Since we all love you/want to mock you in varying degrees, here are all who donated and our contribution amounts:
Joel - $10
Gian - $5
Karla - $10
Shad - $30
Doug - $2
Ed - $5 (yes, feel free to mock him back)
Donna - $3
Cage - $10
Rayford - $10 (didn’t you give him work, I think he should add a zero to his donation amount)
Chuck - $10
Tandori - $5
Norlynn - $5
Jaba – The balance (95% mockery, 5% love)
Admittedly there were others who are either a) too cheap, or b) really don’t like you, who refused to even give a freaking buck. Im hoping they get Project Aligned real soon.
The Xbox should arrive at your office next week. Once you get it, we better see you online. And if you complain about the $50 Xbox live subscription, we’re going to start sending you more illicit items to your office place. I dare you to call my bluff.
Love,
Jaba
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